AP: Christmas (Post) Comes Late This Year

We need to talk holidays, since it's already January and past the time when anyone can mention Christmas without reflexively gagging. That’s mainly because now it's time to pay for all the merriment. We had merriment, but in order to get to it in Phoenix, Arizona, Erin and I had to fly enough miles combined to qualify as a pilot for many major airlines. Except that we weren't allowed to actually fly the plane. But I think we would have at least felt at home in the cockpit, assuming they serve alcohol and tiny sandwiches up there too. Maybe we'd have to fly for America West.

In any case, the only harrowing moment heading out to the US was in the first 15 minutes of the trip, when I left my keys at security screening. I unconsciously feel my pockets when I fly, continually checking for the "The Things We Can't Lose": Keys, Wallet, Passport, Ipod, Mobile phone, Watch. (Notice how this list has grown in recent years) Now in Doha, we sign up for a service called "Al Maha", which means that at “departure from” and “arrival to” Doha, uniformed ladies meet us and escort us to passport control, luggage retrieval, and customs while Al Maha porters carry the bags and we try and look worthy to receive this treatment. It's a terrific deal at about $20 a person since you get to skip ahead of everyone in "The Passport Line", which often backs up as far as China.

What happened was that a porter showed up to take our voluminous luggage away that was *not affiliated* to Al Maha. So he didn't really feel the need to stay near us or the Al Maha agent, so that before I knew it he and our five bags were through security and into the check-in area before we had even found our agent lady. He was a really ambitious porter. Luckily, the airport is small enough that I had a visual of him the entire way. So I was in a bit of a hurry to get through security, being a paranoid freak about being near my luggage. Somewhere during the belt-shoe-coat removal/addition process, I didn't grab my keys out of the little bin. I only realized this at the check-in, after we were finished and about to proceed to the gate. Luckily, I remembered what I had done and went back for them. I should point out that I was never worried they wouldn't be there; Doha is not the kind of place where you suspect someone would make off with your keys. Sure enough, a security guard had them in a pile of various forgotten "Things We Can't Lose", and I made off with them after saying something like "haada muftaahee" or "That's my Key" and pointing. Thank goodness he understood, or we would have had to cut off all the luggage locks.

In Phoenix, it was wonderful. Scott either immediately drops into "spoil" mode or just upgrades to it when he has guests. We're making sugar cookies in the first photo. We relaxed far more than I would have thought, as we even had a dedicated spreadsheet (thanks Melissa) so we could squeeze in all the fun possible. But what was most notable was that we had significant down time. Until Randi, Ali, and Corby arrived, that is. They are my sister-in-law, niece, and nephew of course and so I love them, but the word "relaxing" is not often used in conjunction with the arrival of a 2-year old and a 10-month old. That said, I hope to one day be half as good a parent as Randi.

But, the kids make up in cute what they lack in subtlety. There was one point near the end of their visit when Erin asked Ali where I was (I was downstairs and around the corner), and I heard Ali say, "Uncle Steve?!!! Uncle Steve?!!" and that was the first time she's referred to me by name or at all. That was an "aww" moment and my heart just kind of melted. And one day the girls went for a spa day, and we watched the kids - which was predicted to be a disaster on the order of a small tornado. Well, the kids were perfect and kept to the schedule. I read Ali a story and then I said, "Ok, Ali, the story's over-now it's time to close your eyes and nap...” and SHE DID IT, immediately!!! It was the first time a "Soldatke" ever obeyed me.

(PHOTO: Everybody relaxes on the sofa bed during an early morning 11 AM wake up call.)

Melissa's brother Kevin made it out for the trip, and I can honestly say he is probably the most well behaved Soldatke ever. His calm even seemed to affect Erin, who decided to stop spontaneously leaping and landing in front of Scott and Melissa's little dog "Peanut", which on previous visits had caused her to have to go to "little dog therapy". She'd shake like a crack fiend whenever Erin was around. I think Erin built a bridge back up, thanks to Kevin's calming influence. For all you do Kevin, Peanut thanks you!

Had to show you the unrelated photo below. Scott gets one of his gifts on Christmas morning, some Qatari Oud cologne, the national perfume... A moment later he discovers why everything that was packed around it smells like its scent even though it was still wrapped in the box...and later hazmat teams had to come take it away.

Corby even let me change his diaper on two occasions, and wow, can I say that was an experience I can't soon forget. My first diaper change was kind of anti-climactic really as Erin just sort of brought the baby over, put him down and said this was my chance to finally change a diaper. I was a bit overwhelmed but thank goodness Corby must have eaten something that agreed with him before that, let's just put it that way. I only fainted three times, which everyone thought was ahead of the curve! No seriously, as long as I have the supplies nearby, I can see it becoming like a science; like changing a tire, only smellier.

In the following photo, a team of rocket scientists, geophysicists, managers, and moms are called in to put together a double stroller with two kids, blankets, snacks, and assorted accessories; it took only three hours to accomplish this.

After the Willams’ departure, it was off to Bakersfield to see some old friends. We stayed with Chris “the Scotsman” and his – news flash here - *fiancé* Shannon. They were recently engaged and so it looks like we are headed back in September for the nuptials in Bakersfield. Congrats! Mostly we did as little as possible, hung out, maybe a bit of shopping. I remembered how ridiculously cheap Kohl’s is, because somehow in my packing a weekend bag for the trip I managed to forget anything remotely warm, and it was crisp 50-something weather there. So I picked up two sweaters and a shirt for like, I don’t know, 20 bucks, and not 1-ply, they were nice, too. But since I had approximately zero extra luggage space (Erin stowed her clothes away in my luggage, the slug), that was all the shopping we could do.

Chris hosted a great New Year’s Eve party that ended about 4 AM, but it was the kind of party where you happen to glance at a clock at that point and say, “Oh my God, it’s 4 AM why are we still awake?”...in other words it was fun. I helped prepare the evening meal, Shepherd’s pie, which thankfully did not include any actual shepherds. And we re-learned what good wine tastes like. Our friends Russ and Lena flew in from wine country just for the party-or maybe they just live like a mile away…but from what I understand they have become real wine experts and even gifted us a wonderful bottle of wine which we had to immediately drink since we couldn’t take it home. Ah, the sacrifice….but we endured. We really enjoyed the short visit, and it was very nice to catch up with all those folks we thought would be moving overseas right after us. We can hope anyway.

We spent the last couple of days at Scott and Melissa in relax and repack mode, preparing for our fifth of six flights on this trip. We spent one night dressing up and visiting a great Scottsdale restaurant called Tapino’s with Tapas-like food and wine flights. Flights are where they bring you six glasses of the same kinds of wine at once, all small pours, and you taste and compare. Also, you order like six kinds of food, and you get one bite a piece among four people, so you drink six half glasses (at least) of wine, and eat 6-8 bites of actual food. Despite this, nobody gets drunk. I don’t know why.

We also went to an outdoor hot springs, which was about an hour outside of Phoenix in an area I would describe as “a little sketchy”, considering the hot springs recommends the food at the local TRUCK STOP. It made more sense when we arrived, because the two guys running the spa looked as if they lived through the sixties, and perhaps the guys thought they never actually ended, or maybe just that their “high” never ended. Headbands, flowers, and shirtless vests were the order of the day. They probably needed to relax though, because I noticed a sign posted above and behind them which notified us that we were approximately five miles from a nuclear facility, and “WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF NUCLEAR INCIDENT AT PALOMA NUCLEAR RESEARCH FACILITY”. I didn’t read the particulars but I am assuming it said something like, “FALL DOWN AND DIE”. The outdoor hot springs tub we rented from them was very nice, and did not seem to be nuclear powered at all (I think - gulp). We saw the sunset and had champagne and toasted our good fortune. For some reason, I have a problem with hot tubs in that I can’t sit in them as long as other people without spontaneously passing out. Fortunately, the wave of dizziness and nausea warns me so I got out and cooled off before I reached medium well. Then we ate strawberries and cheese and crackers and it was all very bourgeois. Good times.

We can’t thank Scott and Melissa enough for playing host this Christmas, and putting up with us for so long. After all, they did the work here, I'm just the guy who writes the summary.