"A Language Landmine", Or "How I Made Friends at the Lulu Bakery"

This past Sunday, I was on my weekly grocery trip* to the Lulu hypermarket, one of the larger supermarket chains here in Doha. I was moving down my list of items, collecting the easy stuff to find first, (i.e. Milk, eggs, soda) before moving on to the challenging stuff (i.e. Anchovy paste, Sun dried tomatoes in water, any "cousin" of the onion). It was high time for me to focus on the challenging stuff, and the most challenging by far turned out to be a surprise: couscous. As you probably know, couscous is a mediteranean food - like little bits of rice or pasta, and pretty common in this region. Looks like the photo you see here. Problem was, I had NO idea where it would be. I thought to check at the cheese counter, but they had no clue and when I described it they suggested I check with the "baked goods". Willing to try, I went to the bakery and got the attention of an employee there. Here's a recap of our conversation:

Steve: "I'm looking for couscous, do you have it here?
Bakery Guy #1: (surprised look) "What?"
Steve: "Couscous. Do you have it here?"
Bakery Guy #1: "Um, you want...do you know what it is?"
Steve: "Yes, it's like a rice, very small grains, I'm using it for a salad. The lady from the deli suggested I ask you."
Bakery Guy #1: (calls over Bakery Guy #2) "He wants couscous. Do you know what he means?"
Bakery Guy #2: (smirking) "Wha? No...I don't think...(trails off)"
Bakery Guy #2: "Where are you from, what's your name?"
Steve: "Where am I from? I'm Steve, from the U.S., California."
Bakery Guy #1: "Nice to meet you, I'm Joe. We thought you were playing a joke."We thought you were an Arab, you look maybe Syrian..."
Steve: "Everybody keeps saying that. Where are you from?"
Bakery Guy #2: "From Damascus. Do you speak any arabic?"
Steve: "I speak a little Arabic." (we speak a little, reestablishing our origins).
Bakery Guy #1: (speaking to me) You see, I don't know what couscous is in English, but in Arabic, it means Vag....Vagina."
Steve: (redfaced) "HUH? I'm not looking to buy that!"
Bakery Guy #1, #2, and Steve: (Laughing hysterically)

We confirmed the meaning of couscous independently with our arabic teacher, and it appear that I did in fact ask If they "had any vaginas at the bakery".

--Steve
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* I have to brag a little about our new (albeit boring) shopping system. We gather our cookbooks and using MS Excel, we enter the next weeks' menu on friday/saturday, and list out the ingredients by category on a spreadsheet, omitting what we have already. The benefits are that I 1) don't buy stuff we don't need, 2) use almost all the food we buy, 3) find everything easier at the store, and 4) eat healthier, lots more produce, and 5) have a variety of cuisines from the different cookbooks. If anyone is nerdy enough to want to see my system, I'll email it.

** I also have to note that I am using asterisks in this blog in homage to "Lake Wobegon Days" by Garrison Keilor. He uses them constantly; it's a great book about small town life that we are reading right now. Go check it out.